everything and nothing

Well I did write a long blog the other day which all got wiped off when I tried to spell check - so annoying!! Anyway i cannot be bothered going into as much detail about the past days as I did with that one so anyway it's been a while. Last week Friday was just a mega mega house party at this 12bed house looking right over the sea - they hired out these mega huge orange speakers that reached the floor and had DJ's coming out of the cracks in the holes to play some drum and bass. Anyway was supa packed - really thought someone was going to make the front page of the local paper by being squashed to death. Anyway ended up in having to help Mery who had squashed her leg all the way home. The next day at bout 11:00 Matt asked if I wanted to go for a drive to get some air - thought that would be good - went to some place called Manwan with a crazy out of the way church and loads of fields etc.....leading down to the sea. Had to slide down this huge muddy bank then you get to this reall steep part where they have ropes so you can climb down this rocky part to the ocean - it was really beautiful - so I just lay in the sun on the rocks as a weird chinese style boat and 2 canoes floated past. The difficult part was trying to get back up with a huge cliff facing downwards and all you have on are slippy shoes and mossy rocks to cling onto - so the shoes had to come off, as my feet offered better grip. Anyway Sunday was a chill, ohh no wait I had to sit at the train station and wait 2hrs for a train -but it's fine cos it's cornwall and they run on there own time - anyway went to truro for a coffee and look around - then to the beach Cafe for a curry and listen to some open mic tunes. Then off to a busy week of work - darkroom, tutorials, work and watching movies - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance has to be the best western I have seen and I just love the movie almost famous.
So today went for a surf - was ok. Went into the Uni Libary and just got back from Jacobs Ladder after listening to some jazz.
Hmmmmmm...............................................what am I looking for - I'm not sure, but I'm lost?????
Where do I come from - I'm not sure anymore - been watching films about the aparteid.......we where terrible.......people are terriable. Whilst I was at school getting an education people where fighting for there rights in the townships - photographers where dying out in the hidden wars of South Africa - this was happening up till I was 14/15yrs old - how did I not know. Why did I feel like it wasn't relevant to me.......I don't know if I'm South African because I don't know if I can deal with the guilt that comes with that - when you think of the truth of it all, but I dont want to be british either - they just sat and watched.
It's suched a messed up place - but so beautiful